Clean jokes · ages 3 to 10
Sorted by age, so the joke lands the first time.
A joke that makes an 8 year old groan sails straight past a 4 year old, and then you're the grown-up explaining a pun to a small blank face. So we went through all 149 of our jokes and sorted them by who laughs at what.
Here are 36 to start with, in three age groups. Each one has a picture and a true bit, which is one real fact about the animal in the joke. The other 113 are on our animal and dinosaur joke pages, and every section below points you to them.
Before you pick
This is the rule of thumb we used to sort them, with a little research behind each step. Your child may be ahead of it or behind it, and either is fine.
Ages 3 to 5
A silly picture
A T. rex that can't reach far enough for a hug, a hamster with the shopping in its cheeks. A child who can't read yet gets the whole joke from the picture in their head. Two and three year olds already invent jokes like these on their own.
Ages 6
A sound they know
The pun sits on an animal sound, as in MOO-vies or the QUACK of dawn, so a first grader can hear it. Plenty of 4 and 5 year olds laugh at these as well, usually before they can tell you why.
Ages 7 to 10
A word with two meanings
Here your child has to know a word both ways. A pony can be a little hoarse, and an octopus goes into battle well armed. Small classroom studies found that 7 to 9 year olds who picked jokes like these apart together understood more of what they read afterwards.
Ages 3 to 5 · 12 jokes
These are picture jokes. Read the question, let them shout a guess, then tap for the answer. Three and four year olds can join in with most of them, and the interrupting cow works on everybody.
Why did the chick knock on the inside of its egg?
It wanted to know if breakfast was ready!
The true bit: A chick starts peeping inside its egg about a day before it hatches, then chips its way out with a tiny “egg tooth”. (Penn State Extension)
Why did the pig roll in the mud?
It forgot its sunscreen!
The true bit: Pigs can barely sweat, so a mud bath is how they keep cool, and it works as sunscreen too. (RSPCA)
Why are goldfish so bad at hide-and-seek?
They can't close their eyes to count!
The true bit: Most fish have no eyelids. The water keeps their eyes wet. (NOAA National Ocean Service; Washington State University)
What does a T. rex say when you ask for a hug?
“Come closer. Closer. No, CLOSER!”
The true bit: A T. rex's arms were tiny next to the rest of its body, and each hand had just two fingers. (American Museum of Natural History)
Why did the dog press its nose on the window?
To sign its name!
The true bit: Every dog's nose print is different, just like your fingerprint. (VCA Animal Hospitals)
What do sheep count when they can't fall asleep?
People!
The true bit: Sheep are great at faces. They can remember the faces of about 50 other sheep, and they can even learn to recognize people. (Nature (Kendrick, 2001); University of Cambridge)
Why doesn't a rooster need an alarm clock?
It IS the alarm clock!
The true bit: Roosters have a body clock inside them, so they crow just before dawn even when they can't see the sky. (National Geographic; Nagoya University)
Why did the spider buy four pairs of sneakers?
It has eight feet!
The true bit: Spiders have eight legs, not six. They are arachnids, not insects. (San Diego Zoo Wildlife Alliance)
Why doesn't Apatosaurus ride the school bus?
It's as long as two of them!
The true bit: Apatosaurus was a giant dinosaur that could grow up to 23 meters (75 feet) long! It took several years to grow that big. (From our book Dinosaurs Are Back)
Why doesn't a hamster need a backpack?
It carries everything in its cheeks!
The true bit: Hamsters have stretchy cheek pouches that reach back to their shoulders. (National Geographic)
How do you say “I love you” in dinosaur?
“RAWR!”
The true bit: Nobody knows exactly what dinosaurs sounded like, because the soft body parts that make sounds almost never became fossils. Scientists look at their closest living relatives, birds and crocodiles, for clues. (Smithsonian Magazine)
Knock knock.Who's there?Interrupting cow.Interrupting c...
MOO!
The true bit: Every cow has her own moo. Scientists found that cows keep their own voice all their lives, and mothers and calves know each other's calls. (University of Sydney)
All 47 animal picture jokesAll 28 dinosaur picture jokes
On both pages, the “Little ones” switch hides the puns.
Age 6 · 12 jokes
Say the loud part LOUDLY, because the capital letters are where the joke is. If you get a blank look, say the two words one after the other (movies, MOO-vies) and wait.
Where do cows go on a Friday night?
To the MOO-vies!
The true bit: Young cows often have a best friend. When they are taken away from the herd, they stay calmer with their favorite buddy than with another cow they know. (University of Northampton (McLennan, 2013))
What does a pig put on a scraped knee?
OINK-ment!
The true bit: A pig's tough snout is made for digging. Pigs push it into the dirt to find roots and bugs to eat. (San Diego Zoo Wildlife Alliance; RSPCA)
What time do ducks wake up?
At the QUACK of dawn!
The true bit: A duck can sleep with one eye open while half its brain rests. Ducks on the edge of a sleeping group keep watch. (Scientific American)
What's a cat's favorite color?
PURR-ple!
The true bit: A slow blink is a cat's smile. Slow-blink at a cat, and it will often blink back. (University of Sussex)
Where do sheep go for a haircut?
To the BAA-BAA shop!
The true bit: Most farm sheep have wool that keeps growing, so they need a haircut, called shearing, at least once a year. (Maryland Small Ruminant Page)
How does a T. rex give a high five?
It can't. It gives a high two!
The true bit: T. rex had only two fingers on each hand. (American Museum of Natural History)
What do you call a dinosaur that's fast asleep?
A dino-snore!
The true bit: “Dinosaur” means “terrible lizard”. A scientist called Richard Owen made up the word in 1842. (Natural History Museum, London)
What do penguins have for lunch?
ICE-burgers!
The true bit: Penguins “fly” underwater, using their wings like flippers. (SeaWorld)
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
The true bit: Black bears eat mostly plants, like berries and nuts, plus some bugs. (US National Park Service)
What do you call a really, really big ant?
An eleph-ANT!
The true bit: Ants can carry things much heavier than themselves, and the ants you see marching are almost all sisters. (National Geographic Kids; Arizona State University, Ask A Biologist)
Why did the horse stop in the middle of the road?
Somebody shouted “HAY!”
The true bit: Horses can sleep standing up. They lock their legs so they don't fall over, and lie down only for deep sleep. (Encyclopaedia Britannica)
Knock knock.Who's there?Egg.Egg who?
Egg-cited to meet you! I just hatched!
The true bit: Dinosaur eggs can turn into fossils, just like bones and teeth. (American Museum of Natural History)
Ages 7 to 10 · 12 jokes
Now the words do the work. A few of these need a fact first, such as what a thesaurus is, or that people keep calling Apatosaurus a Brontosaurus. The true bit under each punchline supplies it.
What do you call a pony with a sore throat?
A little hoarse!
The true bit: Horses talk with whinnies, nickers, snorts and squeals, and each sound means something different. (Horses Extension)
What do you call a dog that does magic tricks?
A Labracadabrador!
The true bit: A dog's nose can pick up smells far too faint for people to notice. (PBS NOVA)
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
Irrelephant!
The true bit: An elephant's trunk can work like a snorkel when it swims. (WWF UK)
What do you call a dinosaur that knows lots and lots of words?
A thesaurus!
The true bit: Real dinosaur names are built from old Greek and Latin words: “saurus” means lizard, “tri” means three and “rex” means king. (American Museum of Natural History)
What do you call a T. rex showing off its tiny arm muscles?
Tyrannosaurus FLEX!
The true bit: T. rex's arms were short, but they had strong muscles. (Natural History Museum, London)
What's Ankylosaurus's favorite sport?
Golf. It brings its own club!
The true bit: But its secret weapon was its tail club, which made it even more powerful! (From our book Dinosaurs Are Back)
How does an octopus go into battle?
Well armed!
The true bit: An octopus has eight arms and no tentacles. A squid has eight arms plus two long tentacles. (Monterey Bay Aquarium)
Why did the goat get sent out of class?
It kept butting in!
The true bit: Baby goats are called kids. Goats love to play, jump and head-butt. (Zoo Atlanta)
Why did Stegosaurus miss T. rex's birthday party?
It was about 80 million years early!
The true bit: More time passed between Stegosaurus and T. rex than between T. rex and you! (Natural History Museum, London)
Why did the firefly get top marks at school?
It was very bright!
The true bit: Fireflies are beetles, and they flash their lights to find each other. (US National Park Service)
Why did the cat sit on the computer?
To keep an eye on the mouse!
The true bit: A cat's whiskers are so sensitive that they help it feel its way in the dark. (VCA Animal Hospitals)
Knock knock.Who's there?Bronto.Bronto who?
Brontosaurus? No! I'm Apatosaurus. Everybody mixes us up!
The true bit: You might also hear it called Brontosaurus, but they're actually two different dinosaurs. (From our book Dinosaurs Are Back)
All 149 jokes
Children ask for a joke about ONE animal, usually the one on their T-shirt. This is where each one lives.
84 jokes, from the farm to the ocean.
Animals with a few jokes of their own
Free, no sign-up
All 149 jokes come as cards, eight to a page, with the punchline printed upside down. The lunchbox page keeps the decks in one place and adds a set of 20 jokes about lunch.
Questions
Our own book
A picture book for ages 3 to 6 · Made Of You
Our nearest thing to a joke book is a riddle book. In Farm Animals, nine farm animals each say two rhyming lines and your child guesses who is talking. Scan the page with a phone or tablet and the animal stands on your floor in 3D.
